Parenting
A Single Mom’s Guide to Surviving Covid-19
The What and How to Survive This Pandemic For Single Moms
So you’re a single mom, trying your best to manage a full-time job and making it in the career world while raising a kid (or two or three) single-handedly. Do you feel like a superhero? Of course, you do, I definitely do. We are literally a one-man show and a one-stop shop for all of our kids' needs. We are the fathers, the providers, the breadwinners, the therapists, the doctors, the nurses, the project managers, the friends, the chefs, and the housekeepers. After a few years, you might feel like you’ve gotten into a nice routine and schedule. Daily schedules are planned to the last minute, everything has its own calendar, reminders, and due dates. Are you with me so far? Great.
And then……all of the sudden…unexpectedly…..COVID-19……..And the world as we know it blew up or went down to hell, depending on your perspective of course. Everything is in lockdown, our nice ecosystem of people we normally go to for house repairs, last-minute meals or even children’s social activities are no longer available. As a single mom, we are accustomed to doing things ourselves, not only because it will be more affordable, if you haven’t guessed it, yes, a single household income is a challenge, but also because most contractors or service providers will try to overcharge you because they think you have no clue what a radiator is, why your faucet is leaking or why your house paint is peeling. Thank God for the 21st century, everything is a click away and you have all the information at the tip of your fingers. Have I ever walked into a hardware store asking for a specific paintbrush, sandpaper, paint scraper and felt like a Boss? Yes, I have. So now I am here to share my experience with other moms, women, and whoever needs to learn the basics of self-survival how to not only survive but thrive in this “New Normal”.
- Basic Tools every woman or household needs to have in the house (If you don’t have one, order one now, and yes you’ll thank me later) :
a) A Wrench. This tool is A MUST! Do you hear me, A MUST! everything that could possibly go wrong in your house, whether it be a leaky faucet, a loose shower hose, can be simply fixed with a wrench.
b) Two Screwdrivers, a Slotted (Flathead), and a Cross slot / Phillips. I’ve used these two items to take apart and put together many items around the house whether it be my portable sewing machine, door handles, installing door locks, stovetops, standing fans, you name it, these two are your best friend.
c)Thread Seal Tape. Remember the leaky faucet I mentioned above, turns out tightening the nuts and bolts sometimes won’t do the job and you will need to have a Thread Seal Tape to make sure that the leak stops.
d) 1/2 Inch Pipe Seal Ring, this little rubber circle is often the cause why the shower or pipe in the sink is leaking. It’s a tiny thing that I didn’t know could make a difference until I put in a new shower head and shower hose and the hose kept dripping when connected to the faucet. Yes, this little guy is important!
e) A Cordless Drill, ok to be honest get this if you have some extra cash lying around. I’ve never had to drill anything urgent in my house but considering the New Normal situation, it is on my list of items to buy in order to limit calling my handyman to fix odds and ends in my house.
f) A good Handyman / a family member that can guide you on how and when to use the items above. I have to admit that my handyman is literally the only person I would call or text every time something goes wrong. And since he’s fixed my house for nearly 10 years, he doesn’t mind showing me via video call how to use and fix items around my house when he is unable to come over especially now during the new normal. Yes, tutorial videos are helpful but I find at the end of the day experience is key and also local knowledge. I live in Indonesia and the tutorial videos that I watch mostly require me to buy items that may not be available here. So I would ask my handyman what is a local product/brand that I can get here that performs the same which was informed in the tutorial. So far, with his guidance, I’ve managed to repaint my entire house alone, change several showerheads and shower hoses, and in a few days, I will be venturing into using the 1/2 inch pipe seal I mentioned above since I just found a leak in one of the faucets in my house. So yes, a person to teach you how to use the tools are as important as the tools themselves.
2. As we know, the old saying goes “Mens Sana In Corpore Sano”, as Single Moms, we are well too familiar with the word “Sana” which actually reminds me of the word Sanity (yes, our kids will drive us to the brink of Sanity in this social distancing situation). But this is where our strengths come in and we can thrive. Most men in this situation, at least those who are around me, are uncomfortable with change, especially change that they cannot control, we, Single Moms, on the other hand, are so adaptable to change that the New Normal has become…..simply put it…..Normal for us……Let me clarify.
People are freaking out that they can no longer go to restaurants to have family brunches or dinners or whatever, but let’s be honest, as a single parent, when was the last time any of us were able to go for a nice family brunch with our kids? To tell you the truth, a “high-end” establishment that I frequently go to with my kid is McDonald's, KFC, or the local Chinese restaurant. And guess what, these things are available for delivery anyway. What else do people struggle with? not going to the gym, not being able to go to their house of worship, not seeing family members. Again, as a single mom, there are times we are unable to afford these things. Gym membership? I’d rather use the money for my kid’s extracurricular activities and buy her clothes and toys. Not being able to go to a house of worship? I usually do online worship to save money on the transport budget. Not seeing family members, well rather than being judged for my life choices of being a single mother and playing the 100 questions in 1 minute to see what’s going on in my life to then be used as ammunition behind my back to fuel family gossip, I often prefer the company of non-judgmental friends who stick by me through thick or thin. How many of you moms relate to what I go through as a single mom? Probably nearly all of you. So during this pandemic, what the general public considers a “New Normal” is actually “Normal” for us Single Mothers and Parents.
How do I cope mentally with being stuck in the house for nearly 3 months you say? Well, let me share with you what has worked for me so far…..
a) Start your day with worship and thanks. No matter what religion you are, what you believe or don’t believe. Just be grateful that you have what you have, whether it be your children, your job, your friends, your food, anything. No matter how big or small your blessings are, it is still a blessing. Thank the universe, thank God, thank the Almighty, whoever you have faith in whether the universe, karma, or religion, just say thanks and start the day on a positive note.
b) Exercise is key! I used to commute using the MRT / tube/train. Taking the stairs up and down every day served as an exercise for me. But now when I haven’t left the house, I turn to Youtube for my morning exercise. Don’t go overboard with a 1-hour workout, I really just do 30 minutes every morning consisting of 4 minutes and 7-minute workouts. There are tons of free workouts on Youtube and you definitely have to do them. Not only does this keep you healthy, but it will also keep you sane!
c) Make sure your children get video call time with their friends. Everybody is so busy with online learning etc that sometimes they forget to replace the children’s playdate as well. For me arranging 1 hour calls for my daughter and her friends once a week is important. Children need to be around other kids their age and a simple 1-hour call I notice makes my daughter happier and healthier.
d) Vitamins (for you and your little ones). Yes sometimes we think Vitamins are a waste of money and not an essential basic need but think of it this way, If you’re willing to pay for a cable subscription and internet bundle to ensure your meetings and children’s online learning go smoothly, you should also invest on your health. Really good vitamins are investments and I do understand not all single moms might be able to afford it. So if you can only take 1 vitamin, make sure it’s Vitamin C. For Adults, I recommend taking 1000 mg per day and for children, the vitamin c dosage in a multivitamin usually suffice. I’ve noticed that Vitamins have helped my body feel lighter and healthier than if I didn’t take them, and my child hasn’t caught a common cold, sore throat, sniffles since taking them and so this is really a good investment.
e) Expand your horizon. Stop googling Covid every 5 minutes and freak yourself out. If you have been following all the guidelines on social distancing and hygiene, and have been exercising regularly, and taking vitamins along with a healthy balanced diet, you are fine! Instead, spend your time focusing on learning something new such as a hobby or a new skill. I’ve been focusing on sewing new dresses. Sewing is my hobby so in my spare time, I draft new patterns, find dresses I would like to make, and sew them. I’m also taking two classes for free on Coursera since this is a good time to learn something new.
As a single parent, especially a single mom, failure is not an option and we never feel helpless when unexpected circumstances befall us, simply because being fragile is a luxury non of us can afford. I would like to thank the world for constantly judging, pushing the bar higher, and making it incredibly difficult for Single Moms to thrive, because now, while the entire world is collapsing, lost, disoriented, and people are feeling restless being confined in their homes, as a single mom, I know exactly what to do. Why? because this has been how the world has treated me for as long as I can remember and as they say, practice makes perfect. So let’s raise our glasses, to being Single Moms, Boss Girl, Super Hero, and above all Survivors. Cheers Ladies, we’ve earned it!
