Have you ever felt that the man or woman of your dreams is out there somewhere? You have an idea of what he looks, sounds, and laughs like. For most women, their fathers are the main male characters to which all other men in their lives are measured against. And you know the saying men tend to marry women who are like their mothers. Growing up, I started designing and conceiving the ideal man in my mind, based on many hours of American television and movies. He would be tall but not too tall, just enough height to make me feel safe and protected, similar to Tom Cruise in “A Few Good Men”. Handsome but not too handsome as to attract other females gaze should we walk hand in hand, think of Chuck Bartowski from “Chuck”. Slightly square-jawed, dirty blond hair and piercing Espresso eyes. I didn’t give him a name because then it would solidify him as a being of my creation. Instead, I would just call him “My man”. As I grew older, this man began to morph and evolved. Then, reality seeped in. He strayed from what I originally conceived him to be. Throughout the years he became shorter, richer, more dignified and before you know it, the man of my dreams somehow changed into the man of my worst nightmares. And I was with him for a very long time. I stayed because I believed he was my Unicorn, my Gojek super app if you will. I stayed because I thought I couldn’t find a man more accomplished than him nor have the right nationality the way he did.
Somewhere in the depths of my pain, beneath the patter of my feet and behind the shadow of my past that I constantly tried to escape, I thought about the man I dreamed of in my mind many years ago. I tried to recall what I had envisioned for his hair, his smile, his face but most of all, his warmth. It was so long ago I couldn’t see him clearly as I once did.
One day, out of sheer coincidence, yes before the lockdown and before COVID was in the air, I met the man I dreamed of as a little girl, standing in full form in front of me. I was stunned. This was surely a sign from the universe since I don’t believe in coincidences. I gathered all the courage I had, to go and talk to him. He was even more perfect in real life than I had made him out to be in my head. He was built like Henri Cavil in The Witcher, well dressed like Don Draper in Mad Men but most of all, he was smart and business savvy like George Clooney with his Casamigos company.
For the first time in my life, I felt like Alanis Morissette in the song Ironic where she sang “Meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.” Only when I met her, she wasn’t beautiful as the song claimed her to be. She was average and non-descript. I suppose she would make a terrific spy because she really could blend in with the wallpaper and be unnoticed similar to the Men In Black. It got me to thinking, if a woman like that could somehow be with a man like him, then maybe there was hope for someone like me after all. All this time I had thought that to be able to get a successful man to notice a woman, she literally had to look like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. I hate to break it to you but I’m no Rosie, and I’m far from being Melania-esque arm candy perfection. Meeting him and his wife was a big wake-up call for me. It inspired me to be a better version of myself. He kept saying how his wife was an independent woman and was accomplished by her own right when they first met. For the first time in a very long time, I thought to myself, maybe the marriage playbook has changed. Maybe successful men of today are looking for the Michelles to their Baracks, the Melindas to their Bills, and no longer looking for the Melanias to their Donalds.
This year has taught me one of the most valuable lessons in my life. First, that ex that I mentioned earlier, the one that I thought was my Unicorn and was similar to Gojek, the super app. I realized that I could stop crying over the Gojek that I had lost because there are still plenty of other unicorns in the world! There is Grab, Uber, Lyft, Carama, and what the heck for the fun of it, let’s throw in Canva to the mix. I did lose a unicorn but obviously, it’s not the end of the world. So, I didn’t land the man of my dreams, and you know what, that’s ok. Sometimes knowing that the man you’ve waited and dreamed of your entire life exists is enough. It fuelled a new spark inside of me to ignite a bigger flame. Fire to fuel new growth, new hopes, and new dreams.
I am entering this new year on an even more positive note than previous ones. The universe isn’t giving me a no, it’s merely hinting to me “Not yet”. I’m a firm believer that everything is created in pairs, day and night, the moon and the sun. But most importantly everything happens at the exact time it needs to be. I’m beginning to think, Michael Buble was right when he sang “I just haven’t met you yet..”
As the New Year is only a few days away, let’s end the year on a positive note. The man or the woman of your dreams is out there somewhere. We just have to be the best version of ourselves in order to unlock that door that will lead us to him or her. Instead of wallowing in “When will I meet him or her”, let’s rephrase to “I’m going to work on being the best version of me, so I can find the key that will unlock the door which will lead me to the man or woman of my dreams”. Sometimes we are so focused on being something for someone else that at times we forget, we have to focus on being ourselves first. Be the best version of us which will then attract the best that the world has to offer. Including the man or woman of your dreams.
So here’s to the New Year and to rooting for each other in the hopes that next year will be the year that we find love, whether it be from ourselves or others.