TikTok | Women | Marriage
Surviving Ballerina Farm: What It Taught Me About Life
For women, this is a story that has been told too often
As the world focuses on the Olympics in France, another story has captured the headlines: the life of Hannah Neeleman, better known to her 17 million TikTok and Instagram followers as the original “trad wife” of Ballerina Farm.
Hannah’s story reads like a modern-day fairy tale. She met her husband, Daniel Neeleman, son of the billionaire founder of JetBlue, and moved to a picturesque farm in Utah. Before becoming a full-time mother and homemaker, Hannah was a talented ballerina who attended the prestigious Juilliard School in New York.
However, beneath the idyllic exterior lies a more complex reality. The Times recently interviewed Hannah in a piece titled “Meet the Queen of the Trad Wives and Her Eight Children” to uncover the truths behind her seemingly perfect life.
Living on a sprawling 328-acre farm, Hannah manages the household and their eight children without external help. Her daily routine, documented in countless social media posts, includes everything from cooking meals from scratch to homeschooling the kids.
Hannah’s journey has sparked widespread debate online, with many women empathizing with her struggles. The Times article delved into her life, the choices she has made, and the broader implications for women navigating similar paths.
Many people perceive that Hannah can be the perfect “trad wife” because she is married to the son of a billionaire. Nothing could be further than the truth. In the Times interview, Hannah shared that there are times when she is bedridden for a week due to exhaustion.
This was a peek behind the scenes of the true cost of being a trad wife.
Throughout Ballerina Farm’s social content, if we pay close attention, we can see the underlying tension and cracks of this perfect traditional life and that it’s not so ideal.
In the Times interview, Daniel said he believed a man should be able to “make it work.” It’s funny that Daniel was able to pull strings to get a seat next to Hannah on the JetBlue flight from Utah to New York when he wanted to get to know her after she had refused to go out with him for six months. That flight was considered to be their first date. And yet Daniel can’t make the same call to his network to get her tickets to Greece.
It wasn’t enough to diminish and belittle her by giving her a plain apron, her husband had to give her an egg apron on her birthday to remind her of the humbling manual labor she had to do despite living on a 328-acre farm and married to a billionaire.
I, along with many other women in the world, felt her pain.
What men don’t seem to understand is that if a woman had to ask for something, she is already feeling less than a woman. Women are raised to be all and do all.
We are caregivers, therapists, and housekeepers. With so many things we are expected to be, men don’t understand that when women ask for something explicitly such as, “I want a ticket to Greece.” It means we are in desperate need of it.
As a mother, when I look at Hannah, I can’t help but think that she is someone’s daughter. What would her parents think, seeing how everything she holds dearly has been stripped away from her and smashed in her face?
Imagine witnessing the dedication and hard work of your daughter as she pursues her passion for ballet, aspiring to attend the prestigious Juilliard School of Performing Arts to follow her dreams. However, her aspirations are cut short by a man who is unwilling to wait for her to complete her studies before marrying her.
A man who insisted on getting married two months after a one-month engagement. What’s the rush? If a man truly loves a woman, wouldn’t he let her pursue her dream?
As a woman and a mother, seeing Hannah’s life broke me.
I saw how a beautiful, hopeful young woman filled with dreams and passion, similar to a budding flower ready to bloom, was plucked out of the ground to wither away in a corner.
In addition, Hannah explained that the barn on their farm was supposed to be used for her Ballet studio but was then turned into a space for the kids to be home-schooled.
I’ve never met Hannah’s husband, but I’ve met men like him.
Men who insist on their way or the highway. Men who think they have it all figured out, when in fact, they hide behind their strong “make it work” façade for something more fragile underneath.
What I am wondering now is how will this story end.
Hannah is nearing 40, and soon, by some men’s standards, she won’t be at her “prime” anymore. Wrinkles and crow’s feet will start showing, she will no longer be able to milk a cow while carrying a newborn or take care of eight children alone nor cook meals from scratch while smiling in front of a camera.
Where and who will she be then?
Has anyone ever wondered why there aren't 50 year old trad wives sharing their lives on social media? If the world has taught us anything it is that powerful men don’t appreciate the women they build with.
Don’t take it from me, take it from Melinda Gates and McKenzie Scott.
They both married men far wealthier than Daniel Neeleman and were both cast aside like yesterday’s fillet mignon to be chopped up and mixed in with today’s beef fried rice.
The difference is that those men aren’t Mormons and don’t mind sharing their vast wealth with their former wives. Will Hannah’s husband share his wealth with her if or when the time comes for them to go their separate ways?
It’s never about the money until it finally is.
If Hannah’s husband won’t even give her tickets to Greece when she still looks like a supermodel and prima ballerina, what kindness will he show her when she no longer has the looks to turn his gaze towards her?
My heart breaks for her.
Knowing that no matter how different our cultures, skin color, and upbringing are, and no matter how many oceans separate us, men are still men. Women still come second. And dreams still get crushed.
The selfishness of men and their narcissisms span across oceans, continents, and countries.
Hannah’s story deserves a happier ending, one that deviates from the typical narrative of fairytale misfortunes.
I hope and pray with all my heart that Hannah’s light will not be dimmed over the years, leaving her to murmur “I wish…” as she thinks back on what could have been.
There are already enough women in this world who utter those words daily.
Moreover, the Ballerina Farm article caused so much passionate debate online that The Times published a second piece as a follow-up to the first piece, “My Day With the Trad Wife Queen and What I Really Thought of Her”
This time the tone was more subdued and Hannah’s husband was put into a better light.
Hannah is now portrayed as a woman who made sacrifices to have her own family and business, quite a pivot from the previous article stating that Hannah was not given time to be alone with the reporter to share her views due to the constant presence of her husband around her.
At the end of the second article, Hannah says “Anything great requires sacrifice….You know what it took to get to where you’re at.”
I can’t help but wonder if Hannah knows where she is going and what she is sacrificing.
On one hand, being the trad wife, and stay-at-home mom is commendable. On the other hand, the woman who gave up everything, including the essence of herself, might be in for a surprise when she finds out that everything she’s sacrificed for wasn’t all she thought it would be.
Throughout the interview, Hannah’s husband never prioritized her needs. It was always about what he wanted.
The barn she wanted for her ballet studio — gone.
The ticket to Greece she longed for — not a chance.
Their first date on the plane she never agreed to — his decision.
Natural births with no epidurals — his insistence.
I truly hope that Hannah Neeleman will not join the many women who gave up their all, themselves, and their best years only to realize that what they should have gotten instead was an ironclad prenup with a golden parachute and a great divorce lawyer.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from Hannah’s life it is that the old saying “If he wanted to, he would” rings true.
The Ballerina Farm revelation reminded me, and many other women around the world, that even in an age of Mars missions, when it comes to relationships, it is still, and always will be, every man for himself.
